Family of 4

It's been 3 months 2 weeks and 1 day since my darling Ezra was born sleeping.

3 months 2 weeks and a day... I think about him every single day.

Some days the thoughts are happy. Other days, the thoughts make me sad.
But for the most part, the thoughts are always,
"What if..."
"I wonder how..."
"If only Ezra were still alive..."

I don't always cry now. I just get really sad or extremely quiet.

I think I have accepted that  my darling boy is gone and will never  physically be here with us.
(Tears are falling as I just typed that).

I still get angry.
I still get upset.
I still ask why?
I still don't like it, but it is our reality.
And life continues, whether we want it to or not.

Oshin & Andres are my light.
They help keep me going & moving forward.
They help make me laugh & smile.
They are my reason to be.

I truly think that if I did not have Andres, I would be lost.
I would not be able to keep moving. To keep it together.
(Honest truth).

I thank God every single day for the breaths he allows me to take
I thank God every single day for allowing me another day with Andres & Oshin.
I thank God every single day for the wonderful life that I have.
(Even though it would be 100 times better with Ezra in my arms).

I keep seeing families of 4 everywhere.
That should have been us.
But it's not.