Terribly guilty

Today has been a really good day!!

So good, in fact, that I feel guilty about it.

I know. I know!!!
I'm not supposed to feel any guilt about having good days.

God & Ezra want me to live my life and enjoy it.
I know!!!

But I still feel guilty about it.
I just can't help it.

And it's not like I have not thought about my darling boy.
Nope, not at all.

On the contrary, he has been on my mind all day long.
(Just like every other day).
ALL day long on this very very productive really good day.

This morning my friend & I (who happens to be my next door neighbor)
went to Starbuck's for coffee and breakfast.
Then to Michaels  for supplies for Ezra's shadow memory box.
Followed by some drive- thru lunch from Chick-fil-A.

By the time I got home, it was 12:00 p.m. on the dot and had people at my door waiting for me.
They were the therapists and counselors meeting with me to evaluate Andres for pre-school.
(Since we are not 100% sure that we are moving or when we are moving, I want to get Andres ready for school just in case).

12:30 rolls around, Andres gets home.
We finally have lunch around 1:15 p.m.
My friend comes over to arrange/organize Ezra's memory box.
Oshin gets home.

While Oshin & Andres cat nap, I clean the kitchen, put up yesterday's groceries, and start making dinner.

After dinner, I clean the kitchen, and clean my "Tupperware" cabinet.
(It was a hot mess!!  Every time I opened that top cabinet, crap would jump out on me or hit me in the head. Yeah, that bad).
I take Andres a bath, get him some what ready for bed, hang up his clean laundry, and clean his room.
All done by 7:30 p.m.

DAMN!!

I can not remember the last time I was THIS productive.
I really can't!!

Just last week I could barely get out of bed or get off the sofa, I was so depressed & blue.
I had no energy for life, much less to do household chores.
Last week was not that great!!

It's like my grief is bipolar or something.
Maybe I'm bipolar??
Who knows.

But today, something good came over me.
Something very good.
So good, that I feel terribly guilty about it.