Blue Christmas

I had a fairly good day yesterday.
I was a little sad in the morning, but I managed to thoroughly enjoy our Christmas Eve dinner and opening presents.

Andres got his highly anticipated BIG size Spanish/English Buzz Lightyear and so many other presents.
It was wonderful seeing him so happy!!

But of course, it hit me that the only thing that would make this Christmas so much MORE joyous and special would be if Ezra were here with us.

He was supposed to be our special Christmas present.

Oshin keeps reminding me that he is always with us, in our hearts & thoughts, but it just doesn't feel good enough for me, right now.

I want him here to hold, to kiss, to enjoy. I want to be with both of my boys on Christmas.

I keep seeing all the recently born December babies' pictures on Facebook and it really makes me sadder.

While I am so happy for my friends and their little ones, I can't help but feel a little jealous of their COMPLETE happiness (and I know it's not their fault).
They have every reason to be boastful & happy.
I know I would be doing the same, if our circumstances were different.

I can't ask people to hide their babies from me, nor would I ever.
This is just something I have to deal with and start getting used to little by little.
(And again, some days are worse than others).

Oshin has been amazing. He's doing so well at being stronger for the both of us. He knows when I start dazing off and knows when I'm about to have a meltdown. He's been giving me the right amount of space & comfort.

One day at a time.

I'm sorry for being so blue, but I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas. I do!!

Life really is a blessing, so enjoy those around you.