5 days

I turn 30 in 5 days!!

photo Google images 

I'm excited!!

Nervous. Scared. Nostalgic.

Happy. Depressed. Terrified.

And anxious.

At first I thought it was just the pregnancy hormones interfering with my emotions,

but I think my brother is right.

It really is due to this BIG birthday coming up.

My 20's will officially be over & done with.

That chapter of MY  life story book will be closed.

Which is a great thing, 

but it still saddens me.

You see, 

for the longest time I have done exceptionally well at being alone.

Being independent.

Being exceptionally strong.

My 20's put me through so many ups & downs.

It gave me unbelievable strength and independence.

I learned to how to survive.

And yet it feels like I'm starting over, 

for I no longer yearn to be alone, independent, or strong.

(I probably make no sense).

Now that I'm "30" and have my own (growing) little family, I want to be surrounded by family & friends.

In my 20's & pre-family I did not.

Now that I'm "30" and have my own little family, I understand that I can't do it all by myself & that I need help.

In my 20's, I was determined to do it all on my own and prove the world wrong.

Now that I'm "30" and have my own little family, I understand that it's okay to be vulnerable. 

I do not always have to be the strong one.

In my 20's I HAD to be strong; being vulnerable was for the weak.

Oh how I have changed!!

Age & becoming a mother have changed me so.

There are soo many people I wish could be with me to celebrate this milestone birthday, but can't.

(They know who they are).

It really does feel like yesterday, I was celebrating my 20th birthday.

How time flies.